Draft 1

O’Shea Lindquist

03/29/2026

ENG 203

Professor Williams

 

MINE

I didn’t do it.. I didn’t do it…I swear it wasn’t me… they said it was me but it wasn’t! I swear it was him! They need to find him!

I can still hear her screams as I walked down the hallway and to the left, apartment 203. The yellow caution tape adorn the doors as if we were entering some sick haunted house on Halloween. As I arrived at the crime scene, I saw my partner was already here. . What you got for me? I asked. Detective Ryan replies, male late 20’s, homicide.

The  walls were painted red, almost as if some child smeared jello. That cherry kind, not strawberry. Dishes were left in the sink, and two wine glasses half empty sat on the coffee table. Whoever he was, he had a guest that evening. As we went down the long hallway , we could hear the floor board creak behind us, the smell coming out of the master bedroom was horrible. The smell of rotten flesh turned my stomach. It almost brought up this morning’s breakfast. His body laid cold and still on the bedroom floor, he was laying half naked, his waist wrapped in a towel as if he had taken a shower moments before. As me and my partner examine the room, he steps in something soft and squishy. The texture can only be compared to raw ground beef…its brain matter. Whoever killed him smashed his head in pretty bad. His pants sat draped along a chair next to a nearby window, I searched his pockets for his i.d and was unsuccessful. Whoever John Doe is, someone must’ve really hated him.

Whoever did this made one hell of a mess. I returned to the screaming women in the hallway, who insisted she didn’t do this. Are you the one who called the police? I asked. She nodded, the cold spaced expression on her face, her eyes were dark and sunken like one of those creepy glass baby dolls. Okay I said we’re going to have to take you in for questioning.

Who is he? And what happened here?…

2 Months Earlier…

The weather today is nice, Ughhh! I’m so bored. This pandemic has got me feeling like I’m going crazy.  It feels as if your mind and body is stuck on rotation, you wake up everyday to the same thing. Lately my routine has consisted of eating, sleeping, watching Netflix and of course sleeping some more. It’s now noon, 12 o’clock on the dot to be exact and my new favorite hobby is arriving at the door. My latest addiction much like everyone else around the world is obsessive shopping. I figured since I’m stuck in the house I might as well feel cute. Geez! I wonder what’s taking so long for my package to reach upstairs. As I paced back and fourth, looking through the peek hole, I saw a figure arrive at my door. The excitement I felt when I saw the uniform. I couldn’t contain it. I swung the door open and before he could say my name I was already blurting it out. For Olivia right? That’s me. To my surprise he was not my usual delivery person. Actually he was kinda rude. It tossed the package at me with an attitude and stormed off. What an a** I thought to myself. I hurried to the window to get a clear view of him, sadly I couldn’t make out his name.

For the next few days it was the same, I ordered and he delivered. Sometimes not even bring my package to the door, he’ll just leave it sitting in the lobby. Like seriously what’s this dudes promblem!!!. It’s been the same for weeks now and I plan on asking this dude what’s his issue with me. I wait by the window watching for his truck to arrive, I stand there watching his every movement as he unloads and begins to make his way to the front of my building. As the bell rings I prepare myself to really give this dude a piece of my mind, however, to my surprise he’s not rude today .

He’s smiling at me and actually said hello. As I stand there in awe I begin to examine him from head to toe. He’s cute I said to myself as I stood at the top of steps watching him walk away. Was he always that cute? I hadn’t noticed anything past his nasty attitude.

He began speaking to me more often , even outside of him delivering my packages I would see him around my neighborhood delivering packages to the other buildings in the area. Until one day as I stood in the store I caught a strange glance of him as he sat on the back of truck, the gate was pulled up and he sat on the edge of the loading dock. His gaze was soft as he looked off into the distance. I wondered what could be going on in that beautiful mind of his and I’m saying to myself how beautiful he looks when he’s thinking.

I saw him again today, he smiled at me and said good morning. I waved back. I have to remember to ask him what his name was. As luck would have it I bumped into him again today a few blocks away from my building, and he actually cracked a joke. Omggg! I was so awkward I laughed it off, I hope he doesn’t think I’m weird.

I waited by the window again today and his truck has finally pulled up. I wonder what his name is? Is he married or does he have kids?.  We managed to bump into each other on my way out, his cologne filled the air. He smelt amazing. I couldn’t help but admire how great he looked in his uniform.  These thoughts run through my head all night and it keep me awake. Tomorrow for sure, I’m gonna go up to him and let him know how I feel.

His truck arrives on time, I use taking the garbage out as an excuse to see him. I time i perfectly so that we met right as hes approaching the staircase, and I ask him what his name is. He replies in this smooth deep tone, Anthony. Anthony.. Anthon.. his words rang in my head, the excitement I felt I couldn’t contain. I screamed back at Olivia, redness filled his cheeks as he smiled at me and waved goodbye on his way out. The next day I bumped into him on the way out and I gathered the strength in me to ask him out and he actually said yes!! I’m so excited.

1 Month later…

Mines and Anthony’s relationship has been great. He has this energy about him that can draw anyone in, we love the same foods, movies, drinks, we even love to travel. We made plans to see the world one day with all 5 of our kids. It’s been so amazing who would have thought that him being a jerk towards me would lead to us dating. My neighbor Erasmus thinks its all fake, he believes mine and Anthony’s relationship isn’t going to last. He even tries to fill my head up with stories that Anthony could be cheating while on his route. I laugh, he’s just trying to break us apart but I dont care. I know he’s loyal to me.

Erasmus has been obsessed with me since I moved into this building, I know he’s hoping for a chance but thats not ever going to happen.

He thinks I’m crazy, he just doesn’t understand true love. I refuse to allow anyone to tell me that we aren’t meant to be.

48 days before Murder…

It’s my first day on the job and the struggles of the pandemic has not be easy. The stress of home life and work life begin to collide. Everyday it seems the same, the constant pressure of the fear people around the world is feeling, its suffocating. I arrived at this old glass building, I just got into an argument with my supervisor before pulling out onto my route and I’m still pissed. As I walk up the stairs to the building I can feel the sense that I’m being watched. As I continue up the stars before I can even reach for the door it swings open and im bombared with this large flow of energy hitting me all at once, who is this chick and why is she so freaking loud.

As the weeks went by I saw her more often, she always seemed to have this awkward smile, I tried to make small talk to see if she’ll loosen up and to my surprise she did. I noticed her one day in the store. I tried to play it cool so she didnt noticed me, I can see her from the corner of my eye just staring. It’s pretty cute.

She finally told me her name, it’s funny because I was trying to gather up my strength to ask her what her name was but she beat me to it. She has this really cute smile with an over bite and her laugh is seriously contagious. I think she’s freaking beautiful. I love how straight forward she is, she wasn’t afraid to ask me out and as I expected it was a great time. I notice her neighbor is often giving me dirty looks, as if I did something wrong. I remember her jokingly saying that he had a thing for her. I’ll be sure to take note of that for later just in case.

28 days before murder…

I haven’t heard from Anthony lately. He’s been acting weird, he’s not retuning my calls and my texts aren’t being delivered. Wtf! I searched him up on instagram, facebook and Snapchat. Is he with another girl? Was I not good enough??… these thoughts are swirling in my head, I cant think straight. I need air!!…

While out at this nightclub downtown I spot someone who resembles him. He has the same walk, broad shoulders, amazing smile and same height. But who’s he with?. That’s no relative of his that I know of. She’s beautiful, like a model beautiful with flawless skin and an amazing shape. It is him… I watch them from across the room. This tightness in my stomach makes me feel like I’m going to be sick. The moment she gets up to go to the bathroom I do the same, I feel her into the women’s room and play it off if I am waiting in line. When she’s done I begin chatting her up as if I’m just some overly drunk girl. When she leaves I follow, until ive completely lost her in the crowd. My eyes finally catch a glimpse of them two together again, I can see them arguing and he pulls her in close. He’s never done that to me before, to be so passionate with another woman while I’m standing right here. I can feel my blood begin to boil. But after they leaving, I quickly pull myself together and gather my things to follow. He’s holding her tight arms wrapped around her as he escorts her to his car. My seat! I’m the only passenger princess he can have! I say to myself. I quickly follow behind them in my car, and they end up at his house. The thought of her in our bed, that feeling in my stomach began to make me sick all over again. How could he do this to us? To me? I thought we had something special, I thought he was the one.

10 days before murder…

It’s been weeks and no reply, I guess we really are done. He stopped delivering my packages and I’m blocked on all of his social media. I’m a wreck, I haven’t been eating or sleeping. And to make matters worse I heard on the news there’s a serial killer on the loose, as if covid wasn’t bad enough. I hope he’s okay, that’s funny. I’m worried about his well-being and he cheated on me, not to mention ghosted me. I went back to that nightclub three more times since that night and I’ve caught a glimpse of him twice with two different chicks, like seriously was it me? Was I not good enough?. Dude this feeling freaking sucks. Erasmus has been such a great friend through all of this. Maybe I should finally give him a chance.

9 days before murder….

I watch her come in and out, her apartment door opens and shuts at the time everyday. Like clock work I watch her as she chases behind him, he doesn’t deserve her. When she caught him cheating I was her that bastard!. Lately she’s been acting strange, she’s been drinking and I even caught her coming covered in what looks like blood. When I asked her about it she looked at me with this blank stare, her eyes were cold almost as if she was dead inside.

so I decided to follow her just to make sure she was safe. I followed her into the nightclub and watched as he had a different chick every weekend, I watched as Olivia drank at the bar, as she watched him be passionate with other women. I wanted to say something I wanted comfort her but I dont I just quietly watched. Each time he escorts a girl to an uber I follow behind Olivia in my car just to be sure she doesnt do anything stupid. Until that faithful night I followed her, as she pretended to be drunk as she tailored behind one of the females Anthony had been with.

She cornered the girl asking if she could use her cellphone to call a friend, the girl agreed and next thing I know I heard screams. I ducked down behind a parked truck so that I wasn’t seen, I tried moving in closer as I heard the arguing and as I approached another parked car up ahead, I noticed I was standing in red paint… blood… holy shit I gathered myself from screaming out loud, as a worried expression took hold a crossed my face I jumped to my feet to make sure Olivia was fine and the site before me nearly gave me a heart attack. The girl.. the girl who once stood before her unaware that she was about to meet her maker, has now stood headless…her head! Rolled at me feet the expression on her face. I tried holding in the vomit as I ran, not looking back. Olivia…Olivia.. my sweet Olivia, how could you. So it’s true, it’s the serial killer on the news.

8 days before the murder…

Since finding out Anthony cheated on me this sense of emptyness has rolled through my body shaking me to the very core. It feels like nothing else matters, since then ive been having these strange nightmares and waking up with bruises. I try to shake this feeling but I cant. Erasmus asked me to come over Friday night, to try to help me take my mind off of things hes so sweet.

I could really use a break ive been having these weird cravings for meat lately.

 

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Draft 2

MINE

“I didn’t do it… I didn’t do it… I swear it wasn’t me! They said it was me, but it wasn’t! I swear it was him! They need to find him!”

I could still hear her screams as I walked down the hallway toward Apartment 203. Yellow caution tape adorned the doorway as if we were entering some twisted haunted house attraction on Halloween.

When I arrived at the crime scene, my partner was already there.

“What’ve you got for me?” I asked.

Detective Ryan replied, “Male, late twenties. Homicide.”

The walls were painted red, almost as if a child had smeared cherry Jell-O across them. Dishes sat abandoned in the sink, and two half-empty wine glasses rested on the coffee table. Whoever he was, he clearly had company that evening.

As we moved down the long hallway, the floorboards creaked beneath our feet. The smell coming from the master bedroom was horrible. Rotten flesh mixed with the thick metallic scent of blood turned my stomach and nearly brought up breakfast.

His body lay cold and still on the bedroom floor. He was half-naked, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist as if he had stepped out of the shower moments before he died.

As my partner and I examined the room, he suddenly stepped in something soft and wet.

“What the hell…”

The texture could only be compared to raw ground beef.

Brain matter.

Whoever killed him had smashed his head in badly.

A pair of pants hung over a nearby chair beside the window. I searched the pockets for identification but came up empty-handed.

Whoever John Doe was, someone must’ve really hated him.

Whoever did this made one hell of a mess.

I returned to the screaming woman in the hallway, who still insisted she didn’t do it.

“Are you the one who called the police?” I asked.

She nodded slowly. Her expression was cold and distant, her dark sunken eyes resembling one of those creepy glass baby dolls.

“Okay,” I said. “We’re going to have to take you in for questioning.”

“Who is he?” I asked. “And what happened here?”

Two Months Earlier…

The weather today was beautiful.

Ugh, I’m so bored.

This pandemic has me feeling like I’m losing my mind. Every day feels exactly the same. Wake up, eat, sleep, watch Netflix, then sleep some more.

Lately, my routine has consisted of eating, online shopping, and binge-watching crime documentaries until three in the morning.

It was now noon, 12 o’clock on the dot  and my newest addiction was arriving at the door.

Packages.

Like everyone else trapped inside during quarantine, I had developed a serious online shopping problem. I figured if I was going to be stuck in the house all day, I might as well look cute doing it.

I paced back and forth near the front door, checking through the peephole every few seconds.

“What’s taking so long?” I muttered.

Then I saw a figure approaching my apartment.

The excitement I felt when I saw the uniform was embarrassing.

I swung the door open before he even had the chance to knock.

“For Olivia, right? That’s me.”

To my surprise, it wasn’t my usual delivery guy.

And honestly?

He was kind of rude.

He shoved the package toward me with an attitude and stormed off without saying another word.

“What an asshole,” I whispered to myself.

I hurried to the window, hoping to catch a better look at him, but I couldn’t make out his name tag before he disappeared downstairs.

For the next few days, it was the same routine.

I ordered.

He delivered.

Sometimes he wouldn’t even bring my packages upstairs. He’d leave them sitting in the lobby like he couldn’t be bothered.

Seriously, what was this dude’s problem?

Weeks passed, and eventually I decided I was going to ask him what his issue with me was.

I waited by the window for his truck to arrive, watching his every movement as he unloaded boxes and made his way toward the building.

When the bell rang, I prepared myself to finally give him a piece of my mind.

But to my surprise, he wasn’t rude today.

He smiled.

“Hey,” he said casually.

I stood there frozen for a moment, completely caught off guard.

As he walked away, I found myself staring at him from head to toe.

He was cute.

Really cute.

Was he always that attractive? I had been so distracted by his attitude that I never noticed before.

After that, he started talking to me more often. Even when he wasn’t delivering my packages, I’d see him around the neighborhood dropping things off at nearby apartment buildings.

Then one day, while standing in the convenience store, I spotted him sitting in the back of his truck during a break. The gate was pulled down, and he sat quietly on the edge of the loading dock staring off into the distance.

His expression looked soft. Peaceful.

I couldn’t stop wondering what was going through his mind.

He looked beautiful when he was thinking.

I saw him again the next morning.

“Good morning,” he said with a smile.

I waved back awkwardly, suddenly forgetting how to act like a normal human being.

I really needed to ask him his name.

Luckily, I ran into him again a few blocks from my apartment later that day. He even cracked a joke, and I laughed way too hard at it.

Oh my God.

I hope he doesn’t think I’m weird.

The next afternoon, I waited by the window again until his truck finally pulled up.

I wondered if he was married.

Did he have kids?

A girlfriend?

As I headed downstairs, we accidentally bumped into each other near the entrance. His cologne filled the air instantly.

He smelled amazing.

I couldn’t help admiring how good he looked in that uniform.

Those thoughts stayed in my head all night long, keeping me awake.

Tomorrow, I promised myself.

Tomorrow I’ll tell him how I feel.

The next day, his truck arrived right on time. I used taking out the garbage as an excuse to see him. I timed it perfectly so we met right as he approached the staircase.

Finally, I asked him his name.

“Anthony,” he replied in a smooth, deep voice.

Anthony.

The name replayed over and over in my head.

I felt ridiculous trying to contain my excitement.

“Olivia,” I blurted out nervously.

He smiled, his cheeks turning slightly red before waving goodbye.

The next day, I finally gathered enough courage to ask him out.

And he actually said yes.

I was ecstatic.

 

---

Final Version

MINE

I didn’t do it… I didn’t do it. I swear it wasn’t me. They said it was, but it wasn’t. It was him! I swear it was him. They need to find him!

I can still hear her screams as I walked down the hallway and turned left toward apartment 203. Yellow caution tape covered the door like some twisted Halloween attraction. As I arrived at the crime scene, my partner was already there.

“What do you got for me?” I asked.

Detective Ryan replied, “Male, late 20s. Homicide.”

The walls were painted red, as if someone had smeared cherry jelly across them. Dishes were still in the sink, and two half-empty wine glasses sat on the coffee table. Whoever he was, he had company that night.

As we moved down the hallway, the floor creaked behind us. A horrible smell poured out of the bedroom rotting flesh. It turned my stomach, nearly bringing up my breakfast.

His body lay cold on the bedroom floor, half-naked, a towel wrapped around his waist like he had stepped out of the shower moments before. As we examined the room, my partner stepped on something soft and squishy.

It could only be compared to raw ground meat… brain matter. Whoever killed him had crushed his skull brutally. His pants were draped over a chair near the window. I checked his pockets for ID, nothing.

Whoever John Doe was, someone hated him deeply.

Whoever did this made one hell of a mess.

I returned to the woman in the hallway who was still screaming that she didn’t do it.

“Are you the one who called the police?” I asked.

She nodded. Her expression was blank, her eyes dark and hollow like a cracked porcelain doll.

“Alright,” I said. “We’re going to need to take you in for questioning.”

Who is he… and what happened here?

Two Months Earlier

The weather was nice, but I was bored out of my mind. This pandemic made everything feel repetitive wake up, eat, sleep, watch Netflix, repeat.

It felt like my mind and body were stuck on autopilot.

By noon, my new favorite hobby arrived: package delivery. Like everyone else, I had become obsessed with online shopping. If I was stuck inside, I might as well feel cute doing it.

I kept pacing back and forth, checking through the peephole, waiting for my package. Eventually, I saw a figure approaching my door in uniform.

I was excited when I saw the delivery outfit and swung the door open before he could even speak.

“For Olivia, right?” he asked.

“That’s me,” I said quickly.

But he wasn’t my usual delivery guy. He was rude tossed my package toward me and walked off without a word.

“What an a**,” I thought.

I went to the window to get a better look, but couldn’t make out his name.

For the next few days, it was the same routine. He delivered my packages, but sometimes left them in the lobby instead of bringing them upstairs.

“Seriously, what is his problem?”

After a few weeks, I decided I would finally confront him.

One day, I waited by the window until I saw his truck arrive. I watched him closely as he made his way to my building. When the doorbell rang, I prepared to give him a piece of my mind.

But today, he was different.

He smiled. He greeted me.

I stood there surprised, studying him. He was actually cute.

Had he always been that attractive? I had only noticed his attitude before.

Over time, he started talking to me more. I’d see him around the neighborhood too. One day, I caught him sitting on the back of his truck, looking distant and thoughtful. I wondered what was going through his mind.

Then one day, he smiled at me and said good morning.

I waved back. I realized I still didn’t know his name.

Later, I ran into him a few blocks away. He even made a joke. I laughed awkwardly, hoping I didn’t seem strange.

Eventually, I decided I would ask him.

One day, I timed it perfectly while taking out the trash so I could meet him at the stairs.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Anthony,” he said.

His voice stuck in my head.

I screamed my name back in excitement. He smiled, cheeks turning red, and waved goodbye.

The next day, I gathered the courage to ask him out.

He said yes.

One Month Later

Anthony and I were great together. He had this energy that drew people in. We liked the same food, movies, drinks even travel. We talked about seeing the world together one day, maybe even having five kids.

It felt perfect.

My neighbor, Erasmus, didn’t believe it was real. He kept saying Anthony would cheat or that it wouldn’t last. I ignored him.

Erasmus had always been weirdly obsessed with me since I moved in. I knew he wanted a chance, but that would never happen.

He just didn’t understand real love.

48 Days Before the Murder

It was my first day on the job during the pandemic. Everything felt overwhelming work, life, pressure from all sides.

When I arrived at the building for my delivery route, I was already irritated from an argument with my supervisor.

As I walked up the stairs, I felt like I was being watched. Suddenly, the door swung open and I was hit with this overwhelming energy.

A loud, overly excited woman stood there.

I didn’t understand her at first she was loud, intense, and almost chaotic.

Over time, I kept seeing her. She smiled at me a lot. I tried making small talk, and eventually she opened up.

I saw her in a store once and tried to act casual. She was just staring at me from the corner of her eye. Kind of cute, actually.

Eventually, she asked for my name before I could ask hers.

She had this funny smile and an overbite, and her laugh was contagious. I thought she was beautiful.

She asked me out directly. I said yes.

28 Days Before the Murder

I hadn’t heard from Anthony lately. No calls. No texts. Nothing.

I checked social media nothing.

My thoughts spiraled. Was he with someone else? Was I not enough?

I couldn’t breathe properly.

That night, I went to a nightclub and saw someone who looked exactly like him.

It was him.

He was with another woman beautiful, perfect, like a model.

I watched them from across the room. My stomach twisted.

When she went to the bathroom, I followed her inside, pretending I was just waiting in line. I tried to act normal, like I was drunk and casual.

When she left, I followed her again, until I lost her in the crowd.

Then I saw them together again arguing this time. He pulled her close.

He had never been that affectionate with me.

Something inside me snapped.

I followed them to his car, then to his house.

The thought of her being in “our” space made me sick.

How could he do this to me?

10 Days Before the Murder

He stopped replying completely. I was blocked everywhere.

I was falling apart barely eating or sleeping.

News reports said a serial killer was on the loose.

I didn’t care. I just wanted him back.

Erasmus tried to comfort me, but I barely listened.

9 Days Before the Murder

I watched her every day. She came and went like clockwork.

I saw her drinking, acting strange, sometimes covered in what looked like blood.

She seemed different empty.

One night, I followed her again.

At the nightclub, I saw Anthony with other women.

I wanted to stop her, but I didn’t.

I just watched.

That night, she followed one of the women out, pretending to be drunk.

Then I heard screaming.

When I got closer, I saw blood on the ground.

I found myself standing in it.

I tried not to scream.

Then I saw it.

The woman’s body… her head…

I ran.

Olivia… What have you done?

8 Days Before the Murder

Since I found out Anthony cheated, I feel empty.

I’ve been having nightmares and waking up bruised.

I can’t shake the feeling something is wrong with me.

Erasmus asked me to come over Friday night.

Maybe I just need a distraction.

Lately… I’ve been craving meat.

Bulleted Summary:

• I corrected grammar, spelling, and sentence structure throughout the story so it reads more clearly and flows better, without changing the meaning of what I wrote.
• I organized and formatted the timeline more clearly by separating the story into sections (present, past events, and days before the murder) so it is easier to understand.
• I kept the original tone and storyline but made the descriptions and dialogue more polished and readable, especially in the crime scene and relationship parts, so the story feels smoother and more consistent.